MyPE

Community Business Directory, Event Listings, News and Views from Gqeberha, Nelson Mandela Bay

You have permission to drink wine with breakfast

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With urgent notifications flooding our in-boxes that the Western Parts of Nelson Mandela Bay are out of drinking water we think that the time has come to officially announce the Breakfast Wine club.

From now on citizens in the affected areas of Rowallan Park, Lorraine, Kabega, Bay West and KwaNobuhle will be allowed to drink wine or any other frothy beverage with their cornflakes. We await confirmation from the traffic authorities that residents of these areas will receive an escort from traffic police to and from work or a special dispensation to allow them to drive tiddly – we have also suggested a total ban on ALL traffic on ALL roads except those from the water affected areas – let the buggers be subject to natural selection which may result in more water for my roses!

Sailors and fisherman will be distraught to learn that demand from greedy water consumers (henceforth known as tee-totalers!) has resulted in over abstracting too much water from the Loerie / Kouga dams and that the Loerie Dam could rapidly become the Loerie mud bath.

The tee-totalers at the Municipality are calling for all other tee-totalers to immediately cease with all non-essential water use immediately. Join the Longhair in drinking ‘water-wine’ – a lower in kilojoules, less in Alcohol version and you could whack two birds with one bottle – save water and lose weight.

In the interests of saving water all residents are encourage to pop outside after their glass or three of Chardonay to piddle on any patch in the garden that looks parched – don’t be shy and piddle in one place only – spread the Yellow.

Along with the Breakfast Wine Club we announce the roll out of the Stinkiest Citizen Competition – with households being urgently requested to stick to only 250 litres of water per day the art of washing of body and clothes will take a bit of a shattering which will not affect the olfactory challenged. But the stinkiest citizen of the year will be crowned Water Saving Wine Drinking Hobo of the year at a glittering ceremony on the beach with the wind blowing in a suitable direction.

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Alan Straton

Chief Cook, Bottle Washer and Broom Mechanic at MyPE
Passionate about Port Elizabeth and definitely NOT packing for Perth. Alan's ethos is epitomised in the words of Nelson Mandela; "I have fought against white domination and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the idea of a democratic and free society. If need be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die." See more articles by Alan.