www.MyPE.co.za: This week, our panel of experts deals with a frustrated reader's attempt to purchase a property. The reader says she has signed all the required transfer documents drafted by the conveyancer, but the seller refuses to sign them. When the reader enquired about the delay, she was informed that the seller no longer wishes to sell. Due to a lack of communication from both the agent and seller, the reader has turned to our panel for help. She would like to know if she may … [Read more...] about Taking the Wind out of the Sale
Columns
Your Re-Election, Councillor Davis, Fight For It
Dear Councillor Davis, Elections are drawing near. It's time to up your game. It's time to listen to Uncle Rick. Most of all: it's time to fuck shit up. Your politicking has become stale, Jeremy. These days, no one is interested in someone writing letters of complaint to the municipality on their behalf. No one is bothered about letters to the editor complaining about the fire department driving over their cat. No one cares. No one. Not one. There needs to be a shake-up in … [Read more...] about Your Re-Election, Councillor Davis, Fight For It
Trustees Allowed to Wear Two Hats?
www.MyPE.co.za: This week, a reader asks our panel of experts to clarify his position as a body corporate trustee for the complex in which he lives. Having held the position of trustee for a year, the reader applied for the post of general maintenance manager for the complex. He was interviewed and subsequently appointed. The reader was prepared to resign as trustee but was informed that he could fulfill both roles. According to him, the constitution for the complex states that … [Read more...] about Trustees Allowed to Wear Two Hats?
Pieter Willem Moolman: Protecting Your Business Partner
www.MyPE.co.za: I recently received a business assurance query about how to prevent problems for the remaining owners when a co-owner dies or becomes disabled, writes financial planner Pieter Willem Moolman. This is a question that applies equally to partners in a partnership, members of a close corporation and shareholders in a company. The issue should not only be of concern to business owners, however, but should also be asked by the surviving spouse of a deceased or disabled … [Read more...] about Pieter Willem Moolman: Protecting Your Business Partner
Your Coffee Shop, It’s Not Posh Enough
I like coffee. I prefer not to drink my coffee in the company of unsavoury people, though. There is a coffee shop near me called Vovo Telo. I emailed the owner recently to offer some friendly advice. I also emailed him my consultancy invoice. Dearest Matthew, I drop in on your coffee shop at regular intervals and leave consistently disappointed. Not because of the service. Not because of the food. Certainly not because of the coffee. It's the absolute lack of je ne sais quoi. Je ne … [Read more...] about Your Coffee Shop, It’s Not Posh Enough
Mr Mayor, A Job If You Please
After resigning from my position as Quality Inspector in Motherwell Cardboard Manufacturing Corp., I have become almost as bored as when I had a job. I always envied those guys in the Mandela Bay Municipality who make a ridiculous living while doing absolutely nothing so I thought - why not appeal to the big cheese himself for a position? As you can see from above picture, his deputy mayor is not giving him much support - see how he tirelessly drives busses while she snores … [Read more...] about Mr Mayor, A Job If You Please
Flowers, Councillor, Arrange Them
Dear Councillor Trent, I email you this afternoon to offer advice I believe will be fundamental to your future sense of self-satisfaction. You are an angry woman, Ms. Trent. An angry woman. If there's anything that upsets me in this world, it is a woman getting her knickers in a twist. Knickers should not be twisted. They should be well laundered with softening agent and then sit comfortably twixt buttocks. I have not laid eyes on your undergarments, but I suspect them to resemble a … [Read more...] about Flowers, Councillor, Arrange Them
Buyer Bugged by Borer and Wiring Certificates
www.MyPE.co.za: This week our panel of experts tackles a reader's problems with faulty wiring and borer beetles in his new home. The reader recently purchased a house and received the necessary electrical compliance and borer beetle clearance certificates. However, he has since discovered that there are problems with both. Shortly after moving in, he noticed borer beetle activity and shortcomings in the electrical installation. The reader's suspicions were confirmed when he obtained … [Read more...] about Buyer Bugged by Borer and Wiring Certificates
Pieter Willem Moolman: Illness Cover is Critically Important
www.MyPE.co.za: Financial planning focuses mostly on the death of the income-generating family member and provision for his dependants, writes financial planner Pieter Willem Moolman. Planners often forget, however, to take into account the financial implications caused by a critical illness or traumatic event in the life of the insured. Thanks to ever-increasing medical advancements, people are more likely to survive and recover from illnesses that were fatal in the recent past. Even … [Read more...] about Pieter Willem Moolman: Illness Cover is Critically Important
Mr van Ronge We Need You
You may recall old Eugene Terreblanche departed this world last year after suffering the consequences of forgetting to tip a petrol pump attendant sufficiently. Mr. Steyn van Ronge has since picked up the reins of the day to day management of the AWB cause. After the recent walk-out by DA councillors and failure of ANC members to get out of bed in time to vote on bribing voters, I've decided PE needs some manners put on it. I couldn't find an email address for the Taliban so the AWB will have to … [Read more...] about Mr van Ronge We Need You
Dear, Sexy Pierre
Dearest Pierre, I've had it. I've really had it. Up to here (). And it's all your fault. Well, partially... It's my wife. Yes, Mr. Voges. My wife. Admittedly, things were never totally socially conventional between us, but at least in the past it was manageable. Now she's absolutely lost it. Batty. Cuckoo. Deranged. Bonkers. Coherent. No, wait...not that last one. She's been into fetishes for as long as I've known her. When we began dating 45 years ago, it took three evenings for … [Read more...] about Dear, Sexy Pierre
Motor Mouth Gets His Own Column
Fresh back from the Kindergarten meeting this morning I saw that my old friend Rick Dagless has been hard at work bringing mirth and merriment to suspecting citizens of Port Elizabeth. This is the latest missive received from Legless: Dearest Strapon, I sense a future for us. The sort of future that could rival the likes of Batman and Alfred, Simon and Garfunkel, maybe even Starsky and Hutch. It will the be the type of relationship that leave women guessing as to our sexual … [Read more...] about Motor Mouth Gets His Own Column
Hockey, Mr Pierce, tis a A Sport By Definition Alone
Dear Mr. Pierce, Thank you for your email of January 24 2011. I am afraid I must voice my displeasure at the obvious favouritism being displayed towards National Hockey by gym management authorities. Once I played hockey. I trained for the try-outs for months. Lunges, Mr. Pierce; I did a lot of them. Star jumps - onlookers swore they could make out Orion's Belt. Kangaroo jumps - unfortunately my skinny legs were not sufficiently endowed to propel me and I soon realised I was merely … [Read more...] about Hockey, Mr Pierce, tis a A Sport By Definition Alone
Dagless Speaks, and Speaks, and Speaks and Speaks
Dearest Alan, Your call to arms regarding the ore dump in our harbour inspired me. I attach my letter to Ms. Nel and Mr. Phihlela. I was disappointed with their lack of response. (Ed: See - A Manganese Ore Advert I would Have Carried for FREE and Time to Remove This Blight From Our Beachfront) Dear Mr. Khomotso Phihlela, I contact you in tremendous emotional distress with a dash and twist of hatred. It's my cat, Mr. Fluffles, you see. He's gone haywire. It's like I don't know him anymore. … [Read more...] about Dagless Speaks, and Speaks, and Speaks and Speaks
Dean Dean I Heard Them Scream
In case you missed it, this year of 2011 heralds one more local election and we have two major candidates elbowing for position at the feeding trough of ratepayer misery - the ANC (or, as many like to call them, The New NP) and the DA (or, as others like to call them, the Desperate Alternative). Going to the monthly kindergarten gathering of Councillors at the Wool Board has been a slight bit of a disappointment for me as the expected cut and thrust of politics - that of nimble word-smiths … [Read more...] about Dean Dean I Heard Them Scream
