Amidst the uproar over the ritual slaughter of a sheep on Clifton’s Fourth Beach and the ensuing vitriol around the racism that has kept it’s ugly head firmly in the spotlight we have many people concerned for the sheep that was summarily killed to cleanse the beach of racists.
When this slaughter was first mooted I imagined a solemn ritual following the dictates of custom that would demonstrate to the racists of our country that a single cleansing act could hold the key to reconciliation and understanding.
Boy, was I wrong – the images coming out of this ‘5 minutes of fame’ moment are not pleasant and, frankly, a mockery of what could have been a solemn binding moment of healing and forgiveness. It is only when we move closer together in understanding that we can get on with building South Africa into an incredible country.
All I saw coming onto the beach were angry people – not dressed according to custom – dragging a sheep onto a beach so that they could be photographed in their virtuous anger and prove that they, the loudest and most hurt persons in the room, were deserving of sympathy and their land claim.
In this time of Christian love and togetherness one can only ask; “What would Jesus do?”
My immediate thought is that Jesus would have given the sheep (let’s call him, ‘Cliffie’) the sympathy and maybe granted Cliffie the ability to talk to his killers – along with the ability to work a smartphone!
So, here is Cliffie in his own last words:
So there I was walking along the verge in Barcelona – a township in Nyanga – posing for German Tourists who are safe as they prefer pork, when a loudmouth in a flashy car with a panama hat and red t-shirt grabbed and tossed me into his German Auto.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Shut the fuck up sheep, you are to be part of a slaughtering ritual on the White Beach of Clifton,” he said.
“Oh Shit,” I said as I let one or two go – I don’t want to die, I liked it in Nyanga – lots of love action, cool food and blonde vegetarian German Tourists in shorts and crop tops rubbing me up does have a certain allure over dying on some God forsaken beach with white and black sheep shouting at each other.
Black Peoples National Crisis Committee is what the newly printed pamphlet said on the floor of the car.
Crisis? They think they have a crisis? What about me – I am about to be bloody slaughtered by a bunch of mad men and women with strangely tinted hair and lipstick in short dresses.
Anyways, a lot of my mates told me that Xhosa and Zulu tribes do NOT slaughter sheep for cleansing rituals.
For example:
Over on eNanda.co.za, Xolani Magwaza (a proud Zulu) said; “A sheep is not used for rituals but for feasting, the reason being that they don’t make a loud noise, even when they are being killed. However a goat screams. That screaming is seen as talking to the ancestors.”
Thinking that stalling for time could be a good thing I turned to the driver; “Take me to where the land was stolen,” I said as I frantically quoted an article I had hurriedly scanned in IfIcould.co.za, which said; “Xhosa people remain superstitious to this day and it is common for an animal to be slaughtered to appease the ancestors. In the past goats were traditionally slaughtered during rituals, but as the years went by, it was decided that instead of slaughtering a goat, a cow could be slaughtered instead. (This came about because Xhosa families are usually quite large and it was difficult to feed everyone on one goat.) When slaughtering a cow for any Xhosa ritual, it must be done in the cattle Kraal where the ancestors are worshipped, so when the cow bleeds, the ancestors will receive the bloodshed in form of a sacrifice the family has made for them.”
Spittle flew from my driver’s mouth as he turned land greedy eyes towards me making me shrink even further into my seat – cow leather, which made me even more afraid of this madman who actually covered his seats with dead animal skins – Gross!
As we screeched to a halt in the parking lot another modern looking guy in a panama hat approached the car. “Thank heavens,” I thought, “He looks sympathetic and not like a man dressed in animal skins and stuff out for a killing!”
Wrong again as he grabbed one of my horns and unceremoniously yanked me out of the car to begin dragging me through a wall of noise from many angry people.
Bloody hell – did these people not know that they were doing this ritual slaughter thing all wrong? But, my cries of; “You have got the wrong bloody animal, find yourselves a fucking goat or a cow,” fell on deaf ears.
Zulus and Xhosas do not slaughter sheep as ritual sacrifice. Did they need a loan to buy a cow for the slaughter? Anyone want to buy some wool? Was there enough time to convince them to rather do this properly for maximum impact?
Damn was I confused as I couldn’t hear any traditional sheep slaughterers like Egyptians, Canaanites or Greeks (like that racist son of a bitch who recently loudly proclaimed how white a beach was – now HE would have made a fitting sacrificial Greek Lamb in my place, but I digress).
Amidst the flashing cameras and anti-cruelty banners no-one noticed as I crapped on the White Beach Sand again.
No-one heroically came to my rescue by throwing themselves across me in defense of my horny soul?
All they did was shout and scream at each other for the benefit of the cameras.
“Oh no, is that a Jewish voice I hear? I believe that they sacrifice sheep – oh crap things got real.”
Thank heavens, I hear someone praying; “Come here Christian Lady and save me – I have friends go on and on about how their ancient ancestors were present during the birth of the ‘Lamb of God’ who died for all of us!”
Do my ears deceive me or is that a Muslim cry? My mates tell me to not move to a Muslim country – Turkey sacrificed around 2 500 000 sheep this year.
As the bedlam around me increased with mad fucking people on the beach competing for their ‘5 minutes of fame’ I gently prayed for each and everyone’s souls and welcomed the sweet release, from this crazy fucked up world, brought by the sharp knife against my throat.
“Forgive them Father for they know not what they do,” were the last words escaping from my mind.
“Oh well – at least I made the South China Morning Post this morning – see below.”
It has come to this – if people piss you off then slaughter a sheep on Fourth Beach, Clifton, Cape Town. Photo: South China Morning Post
#ReclaimClifton Sheep brought to the beach for slaughter pic.twitter.com/oYxid3jw4z
— Leigh-Anne Jansen (@LA_JANSEN) December 28, 2018
Alan Straton
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