MyPE

Community Business Directory, Event Listings, News and Views from Gqeberha, Nelson Mandela Bay

FFS – Think before you share sh!t

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So, I belong to a WhatsApp group that has been set up to share incidents of high alert in our neighbourhood. Silly me I thought it was a place to share crime in progress and suspicious persons up to no good in our neck of the woods.

This morning someone on the group posted a Facebook Image created by a local alarm company, the wording of which said; “If you wake up to the sound of running water. Do not rush out to close the tap. Thieves are using this tactic to lure you outside where you are vulnerable.”

This was followed up by this statement; “Running water is but one method. Be very alert when going outside at night to investigate any suspicious activity. If you pay for Armed Response rather contact them!”

By now my ire (at misuse of the group), along with my quivering Bullshitometer antennae forced me to investigate these claims for people too brain dead to do so themselves so I turned to my old friend Google and tried this search query; “If you wake up to the sound of running water. Do not rush out to close the tap.” and, guess what Google said to me? No results found for “If you wake up to the sound of running water. Do not rush out to close the tap.” Then, just for sh!ts and giggles I tried the same search term in Google News – and the same result. But, if you click on the link you will probably see one lone result from MyPE.

I tried the same search on search engine DuckDuckGo and NO results.

Hy the way – the same search on Facebook also comes up with no results. So three checks done – two on reputable search engines and one on ‘Group Sex for Amoebas’.

Conclusion – the Facebook Image scaring the life out of the poor old ladies on the WhatsApp group is just another ALTERNATIVE fact/FAKE News waste of time.

Lets break the three sentences down:

If you wake up to the sound of running water – it is highly unlikely that I will wake up and it will probably be rain.
Do not rush out to close the tap – well, if I do wake up the first place I will go is to the toilet and then amble out.
Thieves are using this tactic to lure you outside where you are vulnerable – WTF, am I not more vulnerable ASLEEP in my bed than wandering outside? AND, why would thieves want to alert anyone inside the home of their intentions anyway? Thieves specialise in theft and do not want confrontation.

After a bit more research and taking advice from Kellyanne Conway I discovered that thieves will often also cause high winds to wake you up, thunder and lightning also seem to be well within their capabilities – which makes those that can only make dogs bark quite jealous! So, good luck believing that every single thing that happens around you is calculated to take advantage of your ‘vulnerability’.

 

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Alan Straton

Chief Cook, Bottle Washer and Broom Mechanic at MyPE
Passionate about Port Elizabeth and definitely NOT packing for Perth. Alan's ethos is epitomised in the words of Nelson Mandela; "I have fought against white domination and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the idea of a democratic and free society. If need be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die." See more articles by Alan.