Yoga is an ever growing trend and with that comes an interesting addition to the existing yogic culture. Yogi’s aspire to being open and accepting, non-judgmental and kind . That is what the practice through the body ultimately try to teach us, but let’s be real….we’re just human. There are certain things going on in yoga classes these days that are simply unbearable and its time to name them with the hope of eradicating them altogether. So yes – Yoga is about acceptance and non-attachment – and yes, this article is ethically out of line. So bite me.
1. Runners shorts
Runners shorts are made for running and their main purpose: ventilation. You don’t need that much ventilation in the crotch during yoga class. Honestly. I know its hard to find good yoga pants, (for men especially), but really? Consider for a moment the teachers view of your privates while you’re lying down, and your fellow yogi’s view behind you in downdog split. Nasty.
2. Tights thinning around the crotch
Sometimes yoga is your entry back into physical movement after a long time of sitting on the couch, and no one expects you to arrive first time round with the perfect kit. It is sometimes a problem though when you turn up with the spandex you wore in the 80’s because that’s the last time you bought exercise gear. They tend to thin…mostly around the crotch and bum area. (What is it with inappropriate gear and the crotch?).
Tip: before coming to class – turn your back on the mirror and fold forward – look at your reflection through your legs….this simple exercise should help you decide if this is appropriate attire or not.
3. Doing your own thing
Any teacher worth her salt takes time to think about what it is the class will focus on and the sequences are planned accordingly. You might be really experienced and love yoga, know all the postures and have a very strong self-practice. Awesome. Now take your self-practice somewhere where you can practice it by yourself – and refrain from doing your own thing in the group class, confusing everyone else in the room who always seem to be one breath behind the strong ‘self-practicers’. You’re breeding confusion amongst your fellow yogis and a little bit of resentment in your teacher.
4. Sweating out your lunch
Yoga class is a place to sweat and when you’re attending full classes it may be worth considering how much garlic, alcohol and nicotine you take in before coming to yoga. Yes – we inhale it….and, yes, it reeks.
5. Coming in late and loud
Yoga is a special time of day in which you are the only one that matters. Its already so hard to switch off and let everything else go just for that hour and we always use the first few moments in class to set the stage for the rest of the practice – free from worries or concerns. Life happens and yes – sometimes, every now and again, maybe, once, maybe even twice, but definitely not regularly – you MIGHT be a minute or two late. It’s distracting for everyone. More so when you arrive late, throwing your gear around with no consideration for the silence we are all so desperately trying to cultivate. Really? Do it for yourself and do it for all the poor souls longing for these moments of peace and quiet. Come on time and when on the odd occasion, you don’t – arrive quietly.
Yes – they smell. Yes – take them off. Barefoot is best.
7. ‘Pedicuresque’ tasks in forward folds
Forward folds at the front of the mat is so restful for most. Apparently, however, when you fold easily from the hips with hands dangling around on the floor, you might find it a tad boring. And so you take this time to inspect your toes and use either use your nails to scrape away the toe jam between the toes (granted we are grateful you took your socks off) and/or cleaning your toenails with your fingernails. Definite no- no and super gross. It’s okay to glance and decide that perhaps it is time for a pedicure….but please then aim to get back to your breathing and folding, please!
8. Passing Gas
Passing gas in class is something that occurs, more often than you think so when this happens to you – no problem. It’s something that actually shows your practice is working for you, so don’t stress about it. Close your eyes – pretend it didn’t happen. What is a definite no-no here is this: the teacher passing gas and blaming it on the unsuspecting dude in the front row doing his best with his foot behind his head. Now THAT…is just WRONG.
Author: Tanya Kemp
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